Thoughts on Bristol, feeling liked and learning about obedience.

A while ago, I felt like God was telling me to move to Bristol. Now, for me, God's voice doesn't come in thunderstorms and rushing winds and booming tones- it comes in thinking a lot about stuff and sensing something and it tentatively feeling right. So, part of it was living in Bristol last summer and it feeling RIGHT and part of it was wanting to live with Laura (who is kinda the Naomi to my Ruth) because I think she's doing good things and I want to be part of that and part of it was just, well, a sense. And a big part of it was feeling convinced that my purpose in life (for the foreseeable future) was to work with women in the sex industry and I knew that this super awesome charity in Bristol, One25 ltd, was doing that. So I figured I'd move to Bristol and that God would sort some kind of Mcjob for me and then in my spare time I coud volunteer with One25. So, for once in my rebellious little life, I trusted my sense of what God wanted me to do and I moved to Bristol. And it was a hard decision for me to make- I could've stayed with a bunch of people I really love at my Uni church- a place where I feel valued and cared for and where exciting stuff was happening. Or I could have stayed in London, where loads of my friends are and where I'd been offered a job. Or I could have done an M.A in English Lit- satisfying my inner geekdom. But I trusted and I moved.

And in many ways, the risk paid off. I live with three beautiful, kind and lovely girls and we have super fun times together and we do nice things. And I love the area I live in. And I love the church I'm going to. And I've made friends. And Bristol is a brilliant, messy, pretty City and I love it here. And I love the things I'm getting involved in and the life I'm starting to build here. And guess what? The week after I moved here, a job came up at the charity I wanted to work for- One25, as a key worker at their residential safe house. And guess what? I got the job- despite a lack of qualifications,lack of experience and lack of maturity, they took me on. And if that isn't a risk paying off, I don't know what is! God totally provided for me and I am 100%, absolutely sure that I only got this job because God wanted me here.

But here's the thing. It's hard. Really, really hard. Sometimes it's lovely and sometimes it's fun and sometimes I feel like I might be part of changing someone's life. Everyone always says it must be rewarding but the thing is- the GOOD bit is that the women have moved in here and the GOOD bit is that they have their babies and they haven't been taken in to care and the GOOD bit is they're drug free. And those things are really, really good but it doesn't mean my day-to-day job is rewarding. You see, the good thing is they're here but it doesn't mean I see breakthrough every day or even every week. I spend a lot of time feeling too inexperienced, too young, too silly, too naive. And I get hurt very easily and shouted at a lot and I HATE it when people don't like me. And actually, I'm not 100% sure that I'm good at this- I'm getting better but it doesn't feel good and I don't get much job satisfaction and I feel like crying a lot. But I'm 100%, absolutely sure that I'm meant to be here- it's too many coincidences- moving here, the job coming up, me actually getting to job etc- I know that this is what I should be doing.

And I think I'm slowly learning what obedience is like- that the important thing is I'm here. And it sucks to not be good at something. But I was called here and I came. And He didn't ask me to come and be the best at this. He asked me to come here and follow Him. And it bites sometimes, it really does, but I think it feels right and I think that's what obedience is about.