Today I watched "Into The Wild", Sean Penn's 2007 film, an adaption of Jon Krakeur's book of the same name, about a twenty something guy, Christopher McCandless, who, after graduating from a good University, gives away all his savings to charity, leaves all his possessions apart from a few things he carries on his back, and leaves his friends and family to head out across America, with the ultimate aim of hitting Alaska and living in the wild, alone and off the land. Resisting a middle class life of 9 to 5 jobs, obligation, materialism and pressure, he heads off, burning his money and leaving his family behind, hoping to "discover" himself and live an authentic existence, just him and nature and nothing else. It's a beautifl film, with gorgeous shots of America; the open road, the wilds, the ocean, the city. (And, I'm not going to lie, Emile Hersch as Christopher is pretty damn beautiful too!). But as i sat watching it with my friends, all of us in our last year of Uni, all of us mapping out a life in the Big Bad World of jobs and money and morgages and credit crunches and cars and houses, what struck me was the attractiveness of heading off, alone, in to the world, rejecting money and possessions and the hold they have over us and pursuing something bigger; spirituality, love, redemption adn an awareness of SOmething Bigger than us...a realisation I think Christopher reaches in the film. I am a Kerouac girl, I love the idea of leaving all this stuff behind, selling my possessions and getting out. I love Kerouac's "Big Sur" where he goes to a cabin in the middle of nowhere and tries to live alone, working out who he is away from alcohol, girls and the city. And I lovve Bon Iver's album, "For Emma, Forever Ago" for the same reason...the idea of getting away from everyone, stripping it all away and seeing what is left. And I can see a beauty, a spirituality in this...in rejecting my endless pursuit of things; clothes and hairstyles and lifestyles and money and coolness, in getting away from it and finding myself and God away from it all.
But, Christopher is also running away from obligation to people; from relationships and caring and people being around him. Messed up by his parents' relationship, he leaves and cuts them off completely, not getting in contact with them or his sister, just withdrawing completely. And he tells Ron, an old man he meets and becomes family to, that the core of human beings is experience- not shared experience....but the things we see and do and taste and feel. And this week, where I have seen and felt a little of how humans can hurt each other, this view is attractive to me. Watching the film, I thought about getting out; about travelling somewhere by myself and writing and reading and walking and remembering who I am and finding God again, in a quiet and separate place. Because, sometimes, I get tired of this community thing, sometimes I get hurt by what people say and loving people like Jesus loved us isn't always easy and there's not always a return on it. And I would like to withdraw.
But, the beautiful thing about this film is that it exposes the lie of the running away from the American Dream. Underneath the romanticism of living alone and finding yourself and being close to the nature, is the wish to retreat from people- soemtimes, the risk of loneliness seems better than being close to people, than loving people- becasue it can really hurt sometimes. But what Christpher finds on the way to Alaska, family and community and acceptance, in the shape of a hippy couple and a crazy farmer (Vince Vaughn, would you belive it?) and a lonely old man, THAT is what we are called to and there is massive beauty in that, despite its difficulty and vulnerability. And right at the end, tucked away in an old bus in the wilds of Alaska, having run away from all the people that tried to love him, Christopher rethinks his definition of what humanity is, scrawling "happiness is only real when shared" in the margins of a book. And here, in my little house in Leamington, I think I'm gonna stick with it and remember that there is soemthing beautiful in sharing my life with people, jsut like Jesus told us to.
Friday 14 November 2008
Wednesday 20 August 2008
Getting scared on the way home and other thoughts.
The other week I was working the late shift at work, 6pm 'til 1am, which was pretty boring except I got to get a cab home, which I'm silly enough to still get a litle kick out of, especialy when I get to charge it to the company account, it makes me feel like a big shot. Anyway, so I was in my cab home at about quarter past 1 in the morning and I was chatting away to the driver (as you do) when he broke off in the middle of a sentence, gestured out the window, said "poor girls" and carried on talking. I looked out the window as we sped along a main road less than a minute's drive from where I live in Bristol at the moment and saw clusters of women, probably ten or fifteen, some chatting to each other, some standing by themselves, some dressed in jeans and t-shirts, some in mini-dresses and thigh-high boots- they are prostitutes or women in the sex trade. My cab driver carried on chatting on about what he was chatting on about (how his three sisters in London live next door to Lee Ryan from Blue, if you're interested)and I forgot the ladies outside my window in a matter of seconds. My seemingly lovely cab driver, however, became a lot less lovely when we drew up near my road and I asked him to drop me outside my house. The road I live on here, in what some people would call a "dodgy" area (it's not dodgy, it's lovely), it's pretty narrow and it can be a bit of a pain to turn around in, and my driver flat out refused to drive down it and drop me outside my door. I made a bit of a fuss, as nicely as I could, pointing out that it was dangerous for me to walk down the road's narrow entrance (next to some kind of building ground/car garage thing)and that it wasn't much trouble for him to drive down but it was scary to walk down alone. Anyway, he refused and in the end, I got out the car and walked the dark few minutes to my door, dodging through shadows and let's admit it, frantically singing "Shine Jesus Shine" like it was some kind of charm to keep me safe. And what scared me the most was that my housemates were all on holiday and I was home alone and I barely know anyone in Bristol so I couldn't even call someone to come get me or walk down to met me. I was alone on a dark road, with the knowledge that there were no friends and family waiting in my house who could come and help me. But, I reached my door okay, got in and went to bed, safe and sound, and forgot about how scared i'd been as soon as my head hit the pillow.
The next day after work, I got in my cab but this time, when I drove past all the women on the main road, something clicked in me. Maybe it was God opening my eyes, maybe it was common sense kicking in, maybe it was just my little two minute walk through the dark streets of Easton the night before, but suddenly the reality of those ladies lives hit me. I would be scared stiff to walk along that dark, shiftily lit road by myself at night, I would hold my breath, my heart pounding, if I was by myself there and a man walked past me, suddenly aware of my complete inability to protect myself against someone, my total vulnerability becoming apparent to me. These women, (and without sounding patronising, girls- a lot of them looked younger than me), stand on the street every night and instead of freaking out and walking faster when they see a strange man, get in to a car with him. Have you ever thought of how scary getting in that car must be? Getting in a car with a man you've never met, who may steal your money, beat you up, rape you or treat you in any way he sees fit? Yes, these women get in to the car on the agreement that they will have sex for money but they are at complete risk every time they do so, anything can happen to them. A friend of mine says she was terrified the first few times she got in a car with someone but after that you pretty much just get used to it, although "of course" most girls get beaten up or forced to do things they don't agree to, she says. And like me walking down the road that night, many women in the sex trade are there precisey because they don't have people around them that can help them, close family and friends that would come to bail them out of trouble.
And i think that, for some of us, thinking about being a prostitute is too alien for our lives and we can't grasp it, we can't mentally walk a mile in their shoes because it seems to foreign and because of that, it can seem hard to care about. I can't connect with having sex with someone for money, and I don't really know what it would feel like when people treat you like an object, like something they buy and have a right to use or how it feels when a man I don't know puts his hands on me and I just have to learn to switch off. So, I will think about the things I do understand- That it gets cold outside at night and it must be horrible to stand outside without a coat, that standing around in those heels must be uncomfortable, that getting in to a car and driving to somewhere remote with a man you don't know must be terrifying, that there might not be anyone who will come to help you if you call them to say you're in danger, that it is scary and horrible and sad. I think it helps us to understand a little more when we remember that these women are like us or our sisters and girls friends and think about how they get cold and hungry and scared, just like us.
So,the facts? It is estimated that 18,000 women and girls are trafficked in to the UK sex trade, (trafficked as in forced to work here, either kidnapped or brought here on false pretences and forced to work for little or no money). Worldwide, the average age of those entering the sex trade is 13. Thirteen. Stop and think about what you were like when you were thirteen. Stop and think about the little girls you know who are thirteen. Stop and think about what thirteen year olds should doing. It is estimated that there are 80,000 prostitutes working in the UK but many sources say that is too conservative and that the hidden face of prostitution is bigger than we know. . That is a lot of people, a lot of women.
And it seems Jesus cared about these people, these women caught on the edge of a society that doesn't really see them, or if it does, it is from a place of judgement or even fear. We don't even need to ask "What Would Jesus Do?", the Bible tells us. I have been told (and have read) that it hard to work out sometimes whether the Bible is referring to prostitutes or women that were unfaithful or women that were just plain old, unspecific "sinners", when it says "whore" or "prostitute" etc. But what we can be sure of is Jesus' absolute compassion for women that society rejected for their association with forbidden sexuality, women that were shunned or excluded from polite society. For instance, just look at Jesus' love and respect for the woman who annointed his feet with perfume, weeping and kissing his feet and wiping them dry with her hair (Luke 7 and John 12). Many people think she was a prostitute as the culture then saw a woman with her hair down as being immodest, somthing only for a time of intimacy with your husband. I have also heard that the perfume would have been the tools of trade, if you like, for a prostitue then. Certainly, we can tell from the reaction of the religious leader who's with Jesus that this woman was judged by the community- "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner." Jesus treated her with respect, saying that her story would be told wherever the gospel was repeated and he treated her with love and compassion, forgiving her sins. He also sticks up for her against the Pharisee with him, telling him to leave her alone. Here we see what our reaction towards sex workers should be; compassionate, loving, defending them from those that would judge them (sometimes ourselves).
What is interesting is that the Bible can be seen to privilege prostites above religious types. Jesus accepts the worship that this woman brings to him, as raw and uncomfortable as it is, and seems to value it very highly. And in Matthew 21, Jesus warns the reigious crew that "prostitutes and tax collectors" are entering the kingdom of God before them. I think what Jesus is saying here is that those outcast by society (and the religious establishment) have a better understanding of God's grace and our need for it than those who feel they've got it all sorted with God. It's a challenging thought. And interestingly, a lady called Rahab, who was a prostitute (check out her story in the boook of Joshua- another instance of God's habit of picking those we probably wouldn't), is one of the few women mentioned in Jesus's family tree in the geneology of Jesus in Matthew chapter 1. Yeah, that's right, our sinless Saviour descended from a prostitute....makes you think, hey? She's also held up in the New Testament as an example of personal faith and good works (Hebrews 11.31 and James 2.25). So, the message seems to be that God has a massive amount of love and compassion for those who work as prostitutes and more than that, the Bible shows us that God used a prostitute to bring about the birth of Jesus, the One that came to save the world and bring our salvation.
And anyway, we know that God's heart beats for the poor and the marginalised and the ones that society rejects. The Bible tells us time and time again (too many to reference, google it if you don't believe me!) about His massive love for these people and about His anger at His people (us!) for not loving them, for judging them and casting stones at them, and for not DOING anything to help them, to bring about justice for these women and men who are pushed away by society.
And this is the hard bit, hey? Not just to love and feel compassion for those in the sex trade in an abstract way, theologically and intellectually, or to prepare ourselves to love any prostitutes we may meet in the future. We are called to bring God's kingdom more and more to earth and I'm pretty sure the sex trade isn't a part of that kingdom. 80,000 women (if not more)can't be helped if we leave this to a few people whose ministry this is, specifically. 80,000 plus women need more than just a few "gifted" people to show them grace and give them practical help. And many of us would say that we don't know any prostitutes, that there aren't any in the road next to us or even in our neighbourhood. Perhaps this is part of the problem, that we're not living in communities where we can meet and love these people face to face, where we might see those in the sex trade as friends, neighbours and people, rather than statistics.
This is something I am being challenged on and I haven't begun to outwork this. I am trying to and I want to. Whether it means questioning whether God wants us to stay in the safe, comfortable neighbourhoods we live in, or whether it means bringing a coffee to a lady working on the street or buying her some time off, or whether it means volunteering with an organisation that helps those in the sex trade or making an effort to get to know those you would normally avert your eyes from, or whther it means financially supporting the work of those helping those in the sex trade (Check out and consider giving to the amazing One25 organisation at http://www.justgiving.com/one25). Whatever it is, I don't think my little epiphany and my change of heart is enough, it is a start but it can't be the end. Let's see what God can do when we approach Him with repentence and an honest desire to see his kingdom come in the lives of those affected by the sex trade.
The next day after work, I got in my cab but this time, when I drove past all the women on the main road, something clicked in me. Maybe it was God opening my eyes, maybe it was common sense kicking in, maybe it was just my little two minute walk through the dark streets of Easton the night before, but suddenly the reality of those ladies lives hit me. I would be scared stiff to walk along that dark, shiftily lit road by myself at night, I would hold my breath, my heart pounding, if I was by myself there and a man walked past me, suddenly aware of my complete inability to protect myself against someone, my total vulnerability becoming apparent to me. These women, (and without sounding patronising, girls- a lot of them looked younger than me), stand on the street every night and instead of freaking out and walking faster when they see a strange man, get in to a car with him. Have you ever thought of how scary getting in that car must be? Getting in a car with a man you've never met, who may steal your money, beat you up, rape you or treat you in any way he sees fit? Yes, these women get in to the car on the agreement that they will have sex for money but they are at complete risk every time they do so, anything can happen to them. A friend of mine says she was terrified the first few times she got in a car with someone but after that you pretty much just get used to it, although "of course" most girls get beaten up or forced to do things they don't agree to, she says. And like me walking down the road that night, many women in the sex trade are there precisey because they don't have people around them that can help them, close family and friends that would come to bail them out of trouble.
And i think that, for some of us, thinking about being a prostitute is too alien for our lives and we can't grasp it, we can't mentally walk a mile in their shoes because it seems to foreign and because of that, it can seem hard to care about. I can't connect with having sex with someone for money, and I don't really know what it would feel like when people treat you like an object, like something they buy and have a right to use or how it feels when a man I don't know puts his hands on me and I just have to learn to switch off. So, I will think about the things I do understand- That it gets cold outside at night and it must be horrible to stand outside without a coat, that standing around in those heels must be uncomfortable, that getting in to a car and driving to somewhere remote with a man you don't know must be terrifying, that there might not be anyone who will come to help you if you call them to say you're in danger, that it is scary and horrible and sad. I think it helps us to understand a little more when we remember that these women are like us or our sisters and girls friends and think about how they get cold and hungry and scared, just like us.
So,the facts? It is estimated that 18,000 women and girls are trafficked in to the UK sex trade, (trafficked as in forced to work here, either kidnapped or brought here on false pretences and forced to work for little or no money). Worldwide, the average age of those entering the sex trade is 13. Thirteen. Stop and think about what you were like when you were thirteen. Stop and think about the little girls you know who are thirteen. Stop and think about what thirteen year olds should doing. It is estimated that there are 80,000 prostitutes working in the UK but many sources say that is too conservative and that the hidden face of prostitution is bigger than we know. . That is a lot of people, a lot of women.
And it seems Jesus cared about these people, these women caught on the edge of a society that doesn't really see them, or if it does, it is from a place of judgement or even fear. We don't even need to ask "What Would Jesus Do?", the Bible tells us. I have been told (and have read) that it hard to work out sometimes whether the Bible is referring to prostitutes or women that were unfaithful or women that were just plain old, unspecific "sinners", when it says "whore" or "prostitute" etc. But what we can be sure of is Jesus' absolute compassion for women that society rejected for their association with forbidden sexuality, women that were shunned or excluded from polite society. For instance, just look at Jesus' love and respect for the woman who annointed his feet with perfume, weeping and kissing his feet and wiping them dry with her hair (Luke 7 and John 12). Many people think she was a prostitute as the culture then saw a woman with her hair down as being immodest, somthing only for a time of intimacy with your husband. I have also heard that the perfume would have been the tools of trade, if you like, for a prostitue then. Certainly, we can tell from the reaction of the religious leader who's with Jesus that this woman was judged by the community- "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner." Jesus treated her with respect, saying that her story would be told wherever the gospel was repeated and he treated her with love and compassion, forgiving her sins. He also sticks up for her against the Pharisee with him, telling him to leave her alone. Here we see what our reaction towards sex workers should be; compassionate, loving, defending them from those that would judge them (sometimes ourselves).
What is interesting is that the Bible can be seen to privilege prostites above religious types. Jesus accepts the worship that this woman brings to him, as raw and uncomfortable as it is, and seems to value it very highly. And in Matthew 21, Jesus warns the reigious crew that "prostitutes and tax collectors" are entering the kingdom of God before them. I think what Jesus is saying here is that those outcast by society (and the religious establishment) have a better understanding of God's grace and our need for it than those who feel they've got it all sorted with God. It's a challenging thought. And interestingly, a lady called Rahab, who was a prostitute (check out her story in the boook of Joshua- another instance of God's habit of picking those we probably wouldn't), is one of the few women mentioned in Jesus's family tree in the geneology of Jesus in Matthew chapter 1. Yeah, that's right, our sinless Saviour descended from a prostitute....makes you think, hey? She's also held up in the New Testament as an example of personal faith and good works (Hebrews 11.31 and James 2.25). So, the message seems to be that God has a massive amount of love and compassion for those who work as prostitutes and more than that, the Bible shows us that God used a prostitute to bring about the birth of Jesus, the One that came to save the world and bring our salvation.
And anyway, we know that God's heart beats for the poor and the marginalised and the ones that society rejects. The Bible tells us time and time again (too many to reference, google it if you don't believe me!) about His massive love for these people and about His anger at His people (us!) for not loving them, for judging them and casting stones at them, and for not DOING anything to help them, to bring about justice for these women and men who are pushed away by society.
And this is the hard bit, hey? Not just to love and feel compassion for those in the sex trade in an abstract way, theologically and intellectually, or to prepare ourselves to love any prostitutes we may meet in the future. We are called to bring God's kingdom more and more to earth and I'm pretty sure the sex trade isn't a part of that kingdom. 80,000 women (if not more)can't be helped if we leave this to a few people whose ministry this is, specifically. 80,000 plus women need more than just a few "gifted" people to show them grace and give them practical help. And many of us would say that we don't know any prostitutes, that there aren't any in the road next to us or even in our neighbourhood. Perhaps this is part of the problem, that we're not living in communities where we can meet and love these people face to face, where we might see those in the sex trade as friends, neighbours and people, rather than statistics.
This is something I am being challenged on and I haven't begun to outwork this. I am trying to and I want to. Whether it means questioning whether God wants us to stay in the safe, comfortable neighbourhoods we live in, or whether it means bringing a coffee to a lady working on the street or buying her some time off, or whether it means volunteering with an organisation that helps those in the sex trade or making an effort to get to know those you would normally avert your eyes from, or whther it means financially supporting the work of those helping those in the sex trade (Check out and consider giving to the amazing One25 organisation at http://www.justgiving.com/one25). Whatever it is, I don't think my little epiphany and my change of heart is enough, it is a start but it can't be the end. Let's see what God can do when we approach Him with repentence and an honest desire to see his kingdom come in the lives of those affected by the sex trade.
Sunday 17 August 2008
Life, Love, Thoughts, Things.
I am staying with my friend Laura at her house in Bristol and I have been for the last 5 or 6 weeks (big shout out to Nikki and Lucy, her amazing housemates and my new friends, who have opened up their house to me, generous, generous, generous), whilst I work over the summer as a runner at Films@59 , a post-Production company.
Anyway, this blog has come out of many conversations I've had with Laura and a couple of other people about my faith and what people call the Kingdom of God and what community means and how being a feminist fits in to my life and my beliefs, and how to love people better, and how to honour God with my money and how to "Act justly, Love mercy and walk humbly" with my God (Micah, chapter 6, verse 8).
Laura went on holiday on Saturday morning and on Friday night/Saturday morning we were still chatting 'til like 2am about what goodness means and whether chick flicks are bad or good to watch and whether listening to sad songs makes you sad and whether God speaks to me through silly things like Juno and Tracy Chapman and even Sex in the City, and what the Bible says about Transgender issues and is it OK to buy Vogue when I'm trying to care less about what I look like and more about things that matter. I need these conversations. And as I was still talking and she was probably trying to sleep, I remembered a conversation a few days ago when I'd talked to Laura about more of these disparate things and talked about how I write down these thoughts on my computer but never show anyone and how I'd like to start some kind of Christian fanzine about culture and theology and friendship and music and community and justice but I was worried I would just try and make it cool and I would end up censoring myself to sound cooler and funnier and trying to make it look all indie and anyway, who would read it? And she suggested a blog instead (better for the trees, hey?).
And ever since I read a book called "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Clairborne (READ IT if you haven't already done so or got sick of me talking about it), I have been talking to like minded people about how to live more ethically, how to take the Bible seriously when it talks about living out justice and acting compassionately and loving people and caring for the poor and the environment. And the thing I have been saying to all these people and the thing they have all said back is "I don't know anyone who's living like this". I have read about people and I know people that are taking amazing and scary steps to do so, but I have no precedent, no model. I don't know what it looks like and I don't work well without someone to copy!
So,this blog is born out of the need for us to pull together and hash this thing out, to work out practically how to do this thing, how to live like what Jesus told us to do actually matters. And I think blogs are a little self-obsessed and, Lord knows, I am a little self-obsessed too, but I need some help and some opinions and somewhere to talk about this with people that are walking the same walk. Because it is easy for me to work out when I'm at my cell group or when I'm talking to Laura or when I'm at Church or chatting to my sisters, but not so easy when I'm away from you all or in Topshop or faced with making life choices.
So here this blog is. Be sparing with your judgement and free with your opinions and ideas and stop me if I get too self analytical. And for the record, before you all get the wrong idea, if I sound to holy holy or self-righteous, please talk to any of my Uni house mates or my parents or well, most of my friends and they will be able to tell you all about how I'm not and how, well, I need your help and that is where this blog comes in.....
Anyway, this blog has come out of many conversations I've had with Laura and a couple of other people about my faith and what people call the Kingdom of God and what community means and how being a feminist fits in to my life and my beliefs, and how to love people better, and how to honour God with my money and how to "Act justly, Love mercy and walk humbly" with my God (Micah, chapter 6, verse 8).
Laura went on holiday on Saturday morning and on Friday night/Saturday morning we were still chatting 'til like 2am about what goodness means and whether chick flicks are bad or good to watch and whether listening to sad songs makes you sad and whether God speaks to me through silly things like Juno and Tracy Chapman and even Sex in the City, and what the Bible says about Transgender issues and is it OK to buy Vogue when I'm trying to care less about what I look like and more about things that matter. I need these conversations. And as I was still talking and she was probably trying to sleep, I remembered a conversation a few days ago when I'd talked to Laura about more of these disparate things and talked about how I write down these thoughts on my computer but never show anyone and how I'd like to start some kind of Christian fanzine about culture and theology and friendship and music and community and justice but I was worried I would just try and make it cool and I would end up censoring myself to sound cooler and funnier and trying to make it look all indie and anyway, who would read it? And she suggested a blog instead (better for the trees, hey?).
And ever since I read a book called "The Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Clairborne (READ IT if you haven't already done so or got sick of me talking about it), I have been talking to like minded people about how to live more ethically, how to take the Bible seriously when it talks about living out justice and acting compassionately and loving people and caring for the poor and the environment. And the thing I have been saying to all these people and the thing they have all said back is "I don't know anyone who's living like this". I have read about people and I know people that are taking amazing and scary steps to do so, but I have no precedent, no model. I don't know what it looks like and I don't work well without someone to copy!
So,this blog is born out of the need for us to pull together and hash this thing out, to work out practically how to do this thing, how to live like what Jesus told us to do actually matters. And I think blogs are a little self-obsessed and, Lord knows, I am a little self-obsessed too, but I need some help and some opinions and somewhere to talk about this with people that are walking the same walk. Because it is easy for me to work out when I'm at my cell group or when I'm talking to Laura or when I'm at Church or chatting to my sisters, but not so easy when I'm away from you all or in Topshop or faced with making life choices.
So here this blog is. Be sparing with your judgement and free with your opinions and ideas and stop me if I get too self analytical. And for the record, before you all get the wrong idea, if I sound to holy holy or self-righteous, please talk to any of my Uni house mates or my parents or well, most of my friends and they will be able to tell you all about how I'm not and how, well, I need your help and that is where this blog comes in.....
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