Simple Living and how I bought three dresses in one day.

Okay, so, I have a confession to make...The day my student loan came in I bought three dresses, a pair of sunglasses and I had a pedicure. I was having a hard week and I was feeling a bit emotional and I went for a bit of "me" time...at the shops, which is a crucial mistake. So, I went to Topshop and I picked out two dresses (one flowery 80s body-con and one strapless and red with little pictures of the Eiffel tower on it, in case you're interested) and then I bought some sunglasses (80s ray ban style white ones, with little pink flowers on), and then I had a pedicure (neon pink. Then, I came home and I was bored and I went on eBay and bought a navy sailor mini-dress.
And there are reasons why I went shopping; Lots of my summery clothes don't fit anymore (see last post- he he!), I wanted to treat myself, I was bored, I wanted to feel pretty in new clothes and I was going to a club on the Thursday and I wanted to wear a new dress. But mostly, I don't feel cool unless I have up to date clothes, fashionable clothes, clothes that people comment on. And when I don't feel cool, I feel kind of rubbish about myself and I realise I'm getting who I am, my identity, from places I write against in essays, places I condemn in debates; magazines, models, designers, trendsetters.
Cos here's the thing; I want it both ways- I want to be anti-consumerist, anti-capitalist, living a radical counter-cultural life that puts all my weight behind caring for people that don't have enough, critiquing a society that values looks over people, that casts women as mannequins and is peopled by individuals who are happy to wear clothes made by people who get an unfair wage. BUT, I want to live this life wearing 80s floral body-con dresses from Topshop (hitting 2 trends in one- floral AND body-con!), preferably as a size ten and ideally, whilst hanging out in cool clubs, with interesting and attractive people.
And I'm guessing, at some point here, I'm gonna have to make a choice...or lots of little choices every day. And it scares me to think about who I'd be and who would like me and whether I'd still be me if I didn't spend £5 a week on false eyelashes and feel the need to have a new outfit for every time I go to a club and if I gave up on being "cool" and started trying to care instead. But I have to trust that this is bigger than me, that actually, getting out of the fashion-conscious/want-to-be-cool/image obsessed rat race is actually a BETTER way to live- not just for the kids in sweatshops that labour to make my Primark dresses (and that should be enough of an incentive)but for me too. So, I'm gonna start making those little choices...